Worth It

Yesterday was my first full day with the girls alone, and I have to say that it went pretty well. I had way more patience than is usually humanly possible for me, and thanks be to God that as I was just about to lose my marbles with my tantrum throwing two year old – it was the end of the day and we were both tired and had HAD IT being cooped up in the house with one another all day, I think - I saw my better half walk up to the front door after his first day at his new job. Saved!

I’m just gonna say it, it’s hard learning how to juggle responsibilities between the girls, especially when I’m so exhausted.

My older one is at an age where she requires my undivided attention constantly. She is always underfoot wanting Mommy to do this or that with her. She whines and complains a lot these days because my time is split in half, and she is use to having all of it.

And the smart cookie that she is, she has quickly caught on to manipulating her daddy and me. When she wants our attention, especially when we are with Mary Ellen, she tells us she has to go to the bathroom, yet when we get there (she still needs assistance), nothing comes out 90% the time, and she says, I don’t have to go anymore. After 50 trips to the restroom in a morning like this, I start to get annoyed and frustrated. Then the one time I decide to ignore her, she goes in her pants – AAAHHH!!!!

The younger one, just four weeks old tomorrow, can’t self-soothe yet. And even though she is relatively a good baby and sleeps a good part of the day, she’s generally not too happy when she’s awake unless she’s in my arms or lap – so like her big sister was! And to get her to sleep requires huge efforts on my part. As much as I have tried to put her down “drowsy but awake” she has let me know that she’s not ready for that yet. So I lie with her until she’s off in dreamland and then creep away, or I lend her my finger, which she loves to suck on, until said finger sends her to slumber. She will not take a paci. She’s no fool. She wants human contact. And she will not fall asleep in the swing.

So I have to steal moments away to try to put the baby down. I feel like it’s a constant juggling act. Getting Hattie set up to play with playdough should give me ten minutes to put the baby down. Putting “Little Einsteins” on the t.v. gives me 25 minutes when the baby is extra hard to get down....it’s a juggling act.

I know eventually Mary Ellen will find her thumb and self-soothe to sleep, and I look forward to it! I’m sure she’ll be a thumb sucker the way she goes to town on my little finger. She’s even found her hand a few times but gets quickly frustrated that the whole thing won’t fit perfectly in her little mouth. We’ll see if my prediction is correct.

Today was easy. Hattie had Mother’s Day Out this morning. Mary Ellen slept the whole time pretty much, and I was able to doze on the couch – forget the mountain of laundry I need to get to.....

Last night, though, after I took a long hot shower followed by a long hot soak in the bathtub where I sat and dwelled a little about how hard this transition of having two young ones really is, I was reminded of something I read a while back. I don’t know if it was a quote or something I read off of another stay-at-home mom’s blog, but I liked it, and it encouraged me. It went something like, Mothers are the only ones who get to take their life’s work with them when they die. We will hopefully get to enjoy the fruits of our labor, our children, for an eternity when they come to meet us in Heaven. I know this, but I never really thought about it this way. Everything else is fleeting. Every other effort and investment we make won’t last forever, except our children.

So it’s definitely worth it....the transition.....the lack of sleep.....the hard days. It’s eternally worth it. And I hope that'll be my focus when the bad days work their way into my household.